Who Is an Addict?

I called Julie. When we worked together, that girl scared the crap out of me. She used to follow me around, she used to SIT by me in meetings... she was one of "Those" people, she was in NA, she was probably a Narc. That was how I felt about her before now.

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Eventually, Paul and I went to court, he got sentenced to "Prop 36" (Treatment in lieu of incarceration,) which meant HE had to go to group twice a week, individual counseling weekly, random drug tests once or twice a week during which he also met with his probation officer, and a mimimum of 3 meetings a week. All charges were dropped against me - "Plea Bargain."

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I remember the first NA meeting I ever attended. I had this old NA schedule that I had taken once from the lobby at work. You see, I really did have the desire to stop using long before I ever had the ability, the willingness, the honesty, or the support I needed to do it. I used to journal while I was up all night, night after night - journaling about how horrible it was, and about how much I wanted to stop living the way I was.

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That was the beginning of the end... of my career, for starters. I tested postive for drugs I didn't even know I had used. I was given two options - quit - or go to inpatient rehab.

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It started when I was about 13 years old; I'm not sure if I was 13 or 14, to be honest. I do remember the first time I tried to get high, though. That I remember. We smoked a joint, Debbie, my "Best Friend" from elementary, junior, and high school, and me. She got a jump start on me, and I was jealous. I wanted to smoke weed too. I wanted to fit in, be in that "Crowd" of kids that at the time seemed like the really cool people. The way to do that was to do what they did, and what they did was get high.

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