Who Is an Addict?

That was the beginning of the end... of my career, for starters. I tested postive for drugs I didn't even know I had used. I was given two options - quit - or go to inpatient rehab.

[More:]

I paid my money for a 28 day program. My intentions were NEVER to stop using drugs, ever. My intentions were to keep my job, that's it, that's all. I was going to fool everyone! I paid my money, and on the day I was told to show up with my bags at the rehab center, I showed up... and was handed back my check and told to go home.

I paid for rehab, and they didn't want to help me? What I know today that I didn't know then is this - they knew I didn't want to be HELPED. I wanted to keep my job. I showed up loaded, I lied about that when confronted (addicts lie,) and the end result was that I lost that job. Eleven years, State job, pay, career, benefits - GONE.

I coped with that by blaming everyone else and amping up my drug use, and by selling drugs to supplement my habit.

Within a year, I also walked out on my family, my house, my cars, the harley... even the dog. I left it all, and moved away with another man. I was going to move away, get away from methamphetamine, and start all over again.

Methamphetamine found ME in my new house, 2 hours from my old address, within 2 weeks of moving. Addicts know addicts - we can spot each other from a mile away, and the neighborhood tweekers spotted us while we moved our stuff into our new house. We were using again, had new connections, and back on dope within weeks.

New job, new town, new house, new man. One of two kids came to live here with me. I kept a low profile. The drug use got off the hook over time, and the new man was a loud, agressive drunk. He never touched me - I did all the assaulting in this relationship. He just kicked the doors in, smashed the house up, and had the sheriff at the door constantly.

Fast forward to December 2002.

I'm arrested again. He is arrested. We are both charged with felony possesion. I blame him, I kick him out. I lose my job again. I use more meth again.

Five months later we are together again, we have to go to court, and there is a plea bargain.

One of us walks away, and the other pleads guilty. He plead guilty, I walked.

He was sentenced to treatment, and part of his sentence was to attend 3 NA meetings a week. He had to do a lot of other things too, but I went to those meetings with him.

It took me SEVEN MONTHS to stop using drugs. Seven months. I went to 3 - 7 meetings a week. I smoked pot and called myself clean. I stopped using meth and started drinking.

Meanwhile, he tested dirty twice. One more dirty test, and he was going to jail.

In November of '03, I had a bag of meth. He had random testing and couldn't take the chance. I got ready to smoke some of my dope... and then put it back in the bag. I gave the meth away and never used meth again.

On January 18th, 2004, I was offered some pot, and I said no. I haven't had to get high since that day. I have stayed clean, one day at a time, since that day, and so has Paul.

I stopped getting high after almost 28 years of active addiction.