Who Is an Addict?

Eventually, Paul and I went to court, he got sentenced to "Prop 36" (Treatment in lieu of incarceration,) which meant HE had to go to group twice a week, individual counseling weekly, random drug tests once or twice a week during which he also met with his probation officer, and a mimimum of 3 meetings a week. All charges were dropped against me - "Plea Bargain."

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I went to the meetings with him. I remember the first time I went to a meeting and saw that one of my old clients from mental health was the meeting secretary - I wanted to die, cry, run, hide - ANYTHING - anything but face her. I was so ashamed of myself - there I was, her counselor - A DRUG ADDICT - at a NA MEETING. I sat in the back - it was summer time, so this was an outdoor meeting too. It was another good meeting, but I was so preoccupied with myself - what was SHE thinking? What about ME? What would she say to everyone about me - the hypocrite that I was?

Yep - it was all about me.

When the meeting ended, I tried to bolt, but I didn't get away fast enough. That meeting secretary gave me a hug and told me "Welcome - I ALWAYS knew you were 'One of Us.'"

One of US. I did hear things at those meetings - like the people there were talking about me - about MY life. They had so much in common with me - even though they mostly never said anything about what drugs they were using, we all seemed to end up the same; Broken. Lost. Hurting. Morally, Spiritually, Emotionally bankrupt.

I went to a meeting at that treatment center again, only this one was indoors, and the woman speaking had almost 20 years clean. She came from a similar background - bikers, fights, had kids, had a job, and was living two lives while she was "out there."

I asked her to be my sponsor - she said no, so I asked her if she had the number for an old coworker of mine - a woman who used to intimidate me back in the day. Her name was "Julie."

I got Julie's number, and I gave her a call.