Merlin's Musings

I’ve been blessed through the years to not only have good sponsors but creative ones. Folks who not only lived the program in their daily lives but who also recognized that for me to take things off the page and the use of analogy and demonstration were key to helping me understand. Sometimes they were a bit unorthodox but they never seemed to fail to some how, some way find the inspiration and God’s guidance to open my eyes and heart to the lesson at hand. I wasn’t always a willing pupil. I was insistent I knew it all and being teachable wasn’t easy. One of the greatest lessons I learned was a day at 6 months sober…

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You get to that point when your flesh begins to crawl kinda like your skin doesn’t fit ..the hair tightens on the back of your neck..your shoulders seem to creep up in an ache and it starts to get heavy to breathe…all the while feeling as if impending doom is eminent…and you try not to show it in front of other folks as the sweat breaks out on your upper lip…and you grab the bottle or glass and try not to shake too hard…and the moment it touches your lips….you’re home. The instant you swallow it your stomach revolts and you choke it back down…. Funny how not having had a drink in all these years, I can still remember that state of physical and mental anguish…that desperation….the insanity that washes over you and makes you more than willing to do whatever it takes and toss away whatever small tiny shard of humanity you might still have inside you to get to that next drink.

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