Merlin's Musings

An excerpt from a note to my sponsor.......

OK now I'll go get another cup of coffee and get to the heart of things. (sigh) Alrighty.. Today I'm fighting that wonderful battle to get out of survival mode and all the fear based reactions to things that entails. Things happened and changed so fast for me here I somehow slipped back there and it's uncomfy and well the T shirt clashes with my new haircolor(grey). It's a big whoa Nelly. People pleasing, taking on responsibility for other folks stuff, feeling like I'm juggling a house of cards that's toppling faster than I can move to catch them, without seeming direction and totally overwhelmed. Wanting to be rescued and fighting crawling under the bed.

[More:]

They say when God closes a door He opens a window... this is one of those times God's ripped the damn roof off the house and picked me up and tossed me in the front yard. I have a choice today. Sit there playing the martyred depressed victim or get up and take action to adjust and move forward. I'm often telling people I can sit frozen in fear or I can stand and walk in faith. So, I physically hit my knees this morning. My arthritic knees have had me sitting on the bed to pray for quite sometime but this morning I felt compelled to humble myself all the way and well... that's just it... humbling myself to stop trying to do it all myself and actually pray for strength and guidance and HA! the power to carry it out and that includes being able to get up off the floor when I'm done praying. I can't He can Let Him.