Merlin's Musings

I hate holidays. Always caught up in expectations and unresonable ones at that..especially of myself. Something seems abit different this year though. Somehow it's not even December and I think I've managed to just let go. It feels different anyway, whatever it is. The budget is tight (isn't it always?) and I can't do for folk as I'd like to do.
Folks I had hoped to share the Holiday with may or may not show up. It's just not going to be my "ideal" Christmas. And for the first time I think I can just accept and surrender to that... and perhaps just perhaps enjoy what it will be instead of what it isn't.
I'm consciously going to try something different this year. I'm going to do those things I can that mean Christmas to me and not worry about if others are pleased or not. I'm going to try and focus on just what it is that Christmas means to me..between me and my God..instead of feeling I must "do" to provide Christmas cheer for others. Sounds kind of selfish..but you know..in an odd way perhaps giving Christmas to myself this year may be just what needs to happen to allow me to be able to give to others. Hard to give away what I don't have myself, they tell me.. well maybe it'll work with Christmas too. I don't know but I'll let you know how it works out.
Joyous Holidays to ALL.
~merlin