24 Hours At A Time

My relationship with my daughters, Natalie and Megan, is the most precious gift of my sobriety. 2 years ago this Fall, we had no relationship at all. My girls had all but stopped taking my phones calls, and who could blame them? They could never predict with any certainty which "Dad" they were going to talk to. Was I sober that day, and back to being the fun-loving dad my kids were so fond of? Or was I drunk? Suicidal? Or just plain crazy? They never knew who they were gonna get on the other line. Now days, we talk almost everyday. It's truly a blessing in my life.
The hardest thing I deal with in sobriety are the memories that I put my kids through back in my drinking days. The mental images of those drunken days is like a video tape in my head sometimes. I often refer to those memories as "ghosts," because of how they haunt me. I don't like it when those ghosts come haunting from time to time. I continually ask oldtimers in the program how I can make those ghosts go away. I'm always told the same thing: don't drink and go to meetings. "But how is that gonna help me?," I always ask.
I think I finally received the answer to that question. I'm going to be a grandpa this coming Spring. I am both shocked and elated. I still think of Natalie as a 12-year old, with braces and pig tails. Hard to believe she is gonna be a mom. My #1 priority is to be a sober grandpa. Second on the list is to be a fun, helpful, and consistant grandpa and father. I want Natalie's child and her husband Nathan to know me ONLY as the person that I wish I had been for my kids all along. And I can only accomplish this by not drinking and going to meetings. I believe that through loving my grandchild and being there for my kids now, I can make my amends for the wreckage of my past. Doing so may not make those ghosts go away entirely, but maybe I can at least make friends with them. I'm gonna be the world's best grandpa. Happy Birthday, Natalie! MYALU-Frosty