Freedom from the Frenzy

Well, I've been staying away from relationships, especially ones that I know aren't healthy for me. (Even tho it's been hard sometimes.) But this past week, I've decided it's time to get back in the game and try again. Or should I say, I've set aside my fear and decided I have to try - or I'll never find happiness keeping everyone out.

[More:]

Yes, that last statement would be a far more accurate one. I've been keeping people at arm's length so I don't get hurt again. I'm acknowledgeing that if I keep doing what I've been doing, I'll keep getting what I've been getting. I need to break free of the "all I know how to deal with is alcoholics" and give something else a try.

I've been lucky enough to meet someone who, believe it or not isn't an alcoholic. In fact, he's not a big drinker at all! I've been so used to alcoholism, disrespect, and being acknowledged only when they felt like it, that I didn't really believe there were any good guys left out there. But there are. And as they say, when you stop looking so hard, sometimes you find what you were trying for when you least expect it. I just hope I can adapt to dealing with something so different from what I'm used to, from what I know how to deal with. It's all so different when you're not making the alcoholic excuses to explain things away. And in some ways, I guess it's going to make me take a much harder look at myself, and how I interact with someone.

I have no idea where this will go, or how it will turn out. We've got some big challenges to overcome, such as distance. And perhaps more importantly, my past experiences that color everything I do and think. But he claims he's up for the challenge, and seems to have an understanding of where I'm coming from, so I'm going to give it a chance. If nothing else, I hope this will be a positive step in my recovery. I hope I'll be able to learn again what "normal" is, and that I don't let my old ideas get in the way. I'm gonna take it one day at a time and hope for the best. If it turns out well - great! And if it doesn't go anywhere - then hopefully I will have learned a little along the way that will help me in the future.