Pathfinder

Woke this morning from a nightmare regarding my ex. I awoke in fear, and not having to go work today, I lay in bed....analyzing. What if he did come back to the neighborhood? How would I react? Could I take care of myself?

Paralysis through analysis set in. This was going to be a horrible day. Why was I still dreaming about him? Why was there still violence even in the dream? Hadn't I gotten over him and his drunken rages?

Then, a word came to me. Choices. I had choices. I had the ability to choose how this day would be. I logged on to stepchat and listened to others stories. I remembered how I was a few short months ago. My life was GOOD now. What was I forgetting?

I private messaged an Alanon friend who knew me fairly well. Just shared that I was slipping into some petty spiteful thinking and didn't know what to do?

She reminded me that I could start the day over anytime I wanted. Then she asked, "Have you consulted with your HP over the issue?"
Well, "DUH."

So I made myself a capucino and said a prayer. Not only for me, but I prayed for my ex that he might find himself in recovery should he ever seek it. I wished him WELL...in all that it means.

And with that, the calm rush of healing energy came through me. The fellowship of Alanon keeps me full of reminders and gratitude. See you there.